


stomping on ashes.

by MomoMcStank



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Talitha is only mentioned but she's relevant, set during me1
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:27:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24267409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MomoMcStank/pseuds/MomoMcStank
Summary: Baz Shepard reflects on his encounter with Talitha and Kaidan does his best to comfort him.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko & Male Shepard, Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	stomping on ashes.

**Author's Note:**

> okay i'm going to preface this by saying i haven't written any fanfic in years. and this is my first time writing anything mass effect related. also my shepard is named baz and he's a colonist/sole survivor. 
> 
> this is maybe a week or two after the mission on the citadel where colonist shepard meets talitha.

Shepard reclined on the stairs by the sleeper pods, staring intently at a message on his omni-tool.

"Trying to burn a hole in your screen?"

Baz startled, glancing up to see Kaidan looking at him, concerned.

"Maybe I'd get reimbursed for a replacement, Shattered Eezo keeps crashing." Shepard joked half-heartedly, turning off the tool. 

After a beat, he considered if it was worth mentioning, peering at his arm where the screen previously was, "I got a message from Lieutenant Girard back on the Citadel. He said Talitha is safe in the med-bay."

Kaidan's face softened, and Baz felt his stomach turn. He didn't want pity, not from the people who were supposed to be looking up to him.

"You handled that situation well, Commander. I'm glad to hear she's okay." 

Baz stiffened, scanning to see what the rest of the crew was up to. It was late enough that nobody was paying attention to them, luckily.

"Yeah, that was a bit of a blast from the past." He sighed, scrunching his face, "Suppose I haven't done a good job acting like that didn't blindside me?" 

"It's understandable that that would alarm you, Commander. You didn't have time to process it before we were all waltzing up to the docking bay." Kaidan tried to be reassuring, noting that this was the first time Shepard had brought up Talitha since their encounter.

"I know, it just… resurfaced old wounds. You don't wanna hear me talk about it."

"You've done plenty of listening to me, but you don't have to say anything you don't want to, of course."

"I… thanks." Shepard scooted over, and Kaidan sat beside him on the stairs. In retrospect, Kaidan had been much more willing to share about his past than Baz had. It wasn't a topic that he enjoyed talking about, and it was irritating how often other soldiers pointed out Mindoir, to sympathize or pity him. Or Akuze, as proof of his experience. They referenced his past as proof of his resilience, rarely seeming to mention that Shepard lost as much as he gained from the "experience." He almost forgot that Kaidan was there as he patiently waited for Shepard to continue.

"It's really not that bad, I already got past this years ago." _Was it too late to make up an excuse and run for it?_

"Shepard. I'm not gonna make you talk but it's clear you could use an ear."

This felt too personal to be telling someone working under him but out of everyone there, Kaidan was the most fitting. He certainly didn't feel like just another crewmate, or a subordinate, for that matter. But Baz didn't want to shove his baggage right in Kaidan's face. It never felt like a nuisance when Kaidan opened up to him, but it was difficult to feel the same for his own problems.

"Mmph, no, you're right. That rattled me pretty bad. I just keep thinking…” He trailed off again, not wanting to let the thought materialize, “What if that happened to me?”

“But it didn’t, Shepard.”

“Only because I was lucky enough for the Alliance to show up in time. That patrol was the only thing standing between me ending up like her." He gestured, not wanting to say the word. Broken, almost a slave. Or dead, like his family. They both would never be the same, but it was hard to fathom having it worse until he saw the evidence right in front of him.

“I think you know that dwelling on the past doesn’t do any good. And, well, if it’s any consolation, you were able to help Talitha.”

Shepard knew he was right, but that didn’t completely settle the sinking pit in his stomach. His frown grew, still having trouble processing the wave of feelings. “That… does help. It’s complicated."

"I know complicated too. These wounds don't completely heal, but time does make them sting less."

"Until something throws you back there," Baz sighed, "I hate feeling sixteen again." It was easy to distance himself from his past and throw himself into mission after mission, especially with the current stakes against Saren. He didn't bawl, or break down, regardless of what he may have wanted to do. There wasn't time for that now and it felt pointless. It wouldn't bring back his parents, or his sister, or any of his old friends.

He glanced back at Kaidan, resting his head on his hand, "Yknow, I didn't join the Alliance because I wanted to explore space. It felt like my best option since Mindoir was only just beginning to recover and it was the best opportunity for some kid who knew how to farm and tinker with shit."

Kaidan understood that all too well, being pushed into the Alliance, having no choice in the matter. "I'm thankful for everything I've been able to do with the Alliance, but I did have to take some time and reevaluate why I was with them. I imagine things didn't start off great for either of us, but I know we both have done plenty of good since joining."

Baz gave him a small smile, "Like Talitha getting the chance to recover."

Kaidan nodded enthusiastically, "Even just since you took over on the Normandy, I've seen you go out of your way to help so many people, Commander," He trailed off, scratching the back of his neck, “You may have started off as a farmboy but you’ve turned into one hell of a soldier, Shepard.”

Baz barked out a laugh, knocking shoulders with Kaidan, “You’re not so bad yourself, Alenko.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry that this is so short, but i really can't be bothered to try and add to it
> 
> i have plans to continue writing about this shepard! it just might take a while, but i have ideas in mind for baz!!
> 
> if you have any feedback i'm totally up for comments so go for it


End file.
